Country Music and the End of the World
by Chip Happens
"What's up with that get up, I asked incredulously, to an anonymous member on the putting green. You have on camo pants, an orange vest and golf shoes. Are you afraid of friendly fire or is an intervention needed?" He told me in no uncertain terms, it was time to stockpile Jack, buy an ice machine and a box set of Merle. The world is coming to an end and he could prove it. I took him seriously when I heard country music and hard liquor in the same sentence and suggested we get out of the hot sun and into the bar.
Once settled and brimmed with ammo, I began my inquiries. As we all know, there are only two things that can make a man toe the ledge this way, a bad golf game or a woman. I chose the easiest route, and asked about his wife. "No, she is not leaving me. She's happiest when she's miserable, and I'm a major supplier." So, with an audible gasp, I said, it's your game isn't it? Have you talked to Dana, our pro? "It's beyond last rites, he snorted, the world is ending."
He explained that the Royal & Ancient was out to ruin him. In four short years they were going to rule on the legality of the belly putter. "I cheat legally and won the Open with that thing. The R&A is going to make a golf criminal class if they repeal these. The yips will reach epidemic proportions. Dogs and cats will cease to be enemies. Golf will become the new wrestling. Life was we know it won't exist."
"Easy Ernie, I consoled, they won't take your Claret Jug. Reason will carry the day. For the good of the game and all that, old man." Satisfied the R&A had the good sense not to ruin the world, Ernie asked Mel to fill his jug, played some George Jones on the jukebox and asked my views on world peace.