December 2012
S. Claus
North Pole
Dear Chip,
Thanks for the champaign. I agree with you that the Lafitte '58 is far superior to the Dom '63. In fact, when compared, the Dom is liquid poverty and no better than common table wine. The Elves were especially enthusiastic about your gift. The Tequila in small bottles was a nice touch but don't you think you went a bit too far with the hunting rifles? This is the North Pole man, not the SOUTH. Rudolph is healing nicely and should be up and flying by Christmas Eve. The P.E.T.A. people have dropped all charges after compromising photos of Tony LaRussa and a "stray cat" were discovered at the pre-lim hearing. Did you have anything to do with that?
Enough about French wine and legal matters, let us discuss your status on the Naught List. I know you have replaced all of your divots, fixed ball marks and have kept your handicap low, these are all good. I know, she was a consenting adult and you did rake the sand trap afterward, but it's not as easy as it used to be to get on the good list. I've got auditors crawling all over my, well,…beard. Champaign won't cut it this year. I was thinking of something in a blue label, possibly green. My decision rests with your next delivery.
Merry Chipmas
SANTA