One on One with Cupid
By Chip Amour
At this year’s Chippy’s, I had the chance to sit down with everybody’s favorite cherub, the elusive Cupid. We had a thoughtful discussion of his career, his golf game and the politics of love.
How did you get started in the love game C? Bacchus and I were hanging out up on Mount Parnassus, just two young gods looking to find their niche. At the time, I was working on Love Potion #3, but it had a harsh taste. Bacchus suggested adding a bit of burgundy to sweeten it. The rest is history.
I noticed your Titleist arrows and quiver how did you find golf? I had perfected Love Potion #9 in the early forties. To this day old #9 doesn’t get the credit it deserves. If you ask me, it started the baby boom. Things were good, sales were up year after year. Then in ’93 The FDA demanded full disclosure on content labels. The Viagra people were suing me, claiming monopoly. Love was on the rocks. You remember Chip, what was her name again? I must have put ten arrows into her, nothing stuck. Let’s stick to your story, it’s more interesting.
I wanted to stay in the heartbreak and misery industry and realized golf was the natural choice. I was on the ground floor with Nike and was struggling until Tiger Mania swept the country. Remember that horrible Nike Square driver? I made the golf world fall in love with it. I movedover a million units that first year. I was fast tracking. Promises of an exclusive line of loin cloths and wing-friendly sweatsuits were being bandied about. It was a heady time. Then Nike pulled the plug. I was heartbroken, devastated. I went back to my old gig, a bit wiser and a whole lot less naive.
Did you try to get even? Revenge is beneath me, after all I am a god. I did, however, influence some disharmony in the locker room of the dysfunctional Portland Trailblazers. I had nothing to do with the demise of the Oregon football team, but it was nice timing.
What can we expect from you in the future? I have several new potions in the works and a new designer love arrow coming out soon. It targets specific groups, like dog lovers or wine drinkers, very cutting edge.