Saints and Sinners
By Holy Chip
The banner flying above the grill looked well worn and a bit tattered, it read First Annual Saint Patrick's Day Open. It seemed innoucous enough, a religious group having a charity event. My only real concern was if I could find a seat at the bar.
Inside the bar it looked like a costume party as everyone seemed to be dressed in period clothing. I found a seat next to a man in a flowing robe, Nike golf sandals, a Notre Dame visor and a Ping shillelagh. I introduced myself and said, Pat you throw quite a party. He said, the "Open", mine was first, has grown to the point where we now have a waiting list. He saw my puzzled look and said, Oh the sign. I'm Irish, so I'm cheap, plus I can get another forty years out of that sucker.
I said, the costumes were a nice touch. "Chip, he said, those aren't costumes, Hell, pardon my French, these are their work clothes. Take a closer look at these people and you will be surprise." I did, and then it hit me. This was not an ordinary golf tournament. He explained that it started out simple enough, a few guys from the office getting together for a little golf and fun. "It got old fast, those holy rollers don't gamble, drink or chase snakes, if you know what I mean." It was sometime after the Crusades and before the Beatles that I had a talk with the big guy about making this a true open. He gave me access to the other side and thus these historical characters.
If you think about it Chip, he continued, these guys aren't much different from your membership. Take Mosses over there, he has never lost a golf ball in a water hazard, but must be constantly reminded that it is a two stroke penalty for burning a bush. Pat, you seem to be heavily represented by one side. I see bank robbers, politicians, lawyers, where are the good guys. "You know the old saying, Heaven for scenery, Hell for the company. I've just taken it to the extreme. I don't like to play with world events, but I couldn't help myself today. I put Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton in a cart together without security. Let the better man win."
We went down the list disecting the games of thugs, muggers, sinners and saints. At one point, I looked up and saw a man with keys and asked if he was Saint Joesph. No, he told me, that's the devil's advocate, Steveo Desantis. I shook my head and said I should have recognized the vintage San Mateo Locks shirt. Wait Pat, isn't that our Mel. Yes, he said, blushing, she has a heavenly swing and makes a devilishly good martini.
Happy Saint Patrick's Day