Young Man’s Game
by Chip Amor
I must confess to you my loyal and discreet readers, of my not so private affair with Lady G. From what I have heard, (guys talk you know), many of you share an admiration for her as well. What happened to us? Is love ‘em and leave ‘em a figment of our past? Is it because spring and the chubby kid with the arrows is on the wing? Whatever it is, love is a young man’s sport.
What makes us cling to her so tightly? Is it our fear of growing older without “game”? Is it the forward tees? “It truly is a head scratcher”, stated Bill Feeley, “she cost me my hair”. Hair loss or not, this cold hearted vixen has infiltrated my daily activities. I now tee up my toothpaste, drive my remote and vacuum with the grain to insure faster, truer carpets.
I have tried the tested and true methods of our forefathers and caddies before us who quickly learned candy and flowers keep the socks clean and the meals warm. I tried these with her. I plied Miss G. with travel to places like HMB, Pebble, and Torre. Given her spa days at the Olympic Club followed by nightcaps at the Toppers, all for no avail. Baubles, of course.
It was on the range that I noticed just how very fickly Lady G. really is. I had recently purchased the latest Epic Flash driver with the turbo package for her, in efforts to impress. After a nice thump, I hit one with the roll out to about 240 yards. (probably 220) I flexed my muscles and looked over at her. She sighed, and shot me a gionconda that would have made Mona Lisa proud. Her interest in me had waned and was now turned to the kid on the next mat. He was all flying elbows, screaming duck hooks and NASCAR club head speed. Every so often, he would launch one beyond the range of my scope. Everyone knows chicks dig the long ball, Miss G., is no exception.
I tried to warn him of his pending doom. Take up full contact karate or skydiving without a parachute, I begged. Bones heal, I told him, but Lady G.’s inevitable heartbreak will not. When he hit his third one over the back fence, I could see in her eyes that he was to be her next lover.